the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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