Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
