woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
