one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
