I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
