I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
