I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
how does that bad decision feel?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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