You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
