the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Too much gin, very little bucket
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize