i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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