Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
