Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
