oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
