just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize