I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
