some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
