dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
