i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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