I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
