Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
