When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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