Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
