there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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