6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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