So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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