So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
