I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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