i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
