i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
