I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
smell my finger.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
