Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this beer tastes like vomit already
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
is it fun? or sober?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
