I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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