I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
