You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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