she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
