PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
