Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
