so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
