i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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