You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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