There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
