ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
