I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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