Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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