and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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