Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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