he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
