You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
