got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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