New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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