I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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