You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
