I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
