I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
