So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you never un-have a 4some
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
