I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
