And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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