There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
