In the future we'll all be gay
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
