Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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