I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
