sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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