the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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