Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
