When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
