dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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