I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
