a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
