Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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